Sexual Deviance

Talk about interesting phrase! But what does it mean? That you’re a furry or is it that you have intercourse in positions other than missionary? That’s actually still illegal in some states.

The term conjures up some pretty interesting ideas and feelings. But what does it really mean in this day and age? Certainly it means something different than it meant 100 years ago (if you were actually brazen enough to discuss such deviant things as sex). Think about it. Homosexuality was considered a mental illness in the DSM until December 15th, 1973.  Further, feminine sexuality has been doubted, debated, questioned, and ignored throughout much of history. How is a girl to even know whether she’s sexually deviant when she’s ignorant to her own basic sexuality in the first place?

There can be a lot of confusion over what actually constitutes sexual deviancy. I think all sex is good sex as long as it is consensual, enjoyable, and it harms no one. For instance, if you’re a lawyer working late and you have the office to yourself, I don’t consider it to be sexually deviant to have a quickie with your spouse in the boardroom. Do it. Enjoy it. And then clean up after yourself. Sex is an excellent way to release endorphins, relieve stress, and generally become more relaxed. It has even been linked to living longer.

So when does it become deviant? Let’s use the same example of the boardroom and the lawyer. If we substitute the spouse with an underage person, a client, or a subordinate, that would make it deviant, as the lawyer is now in a position of power over the other person. (Except perhaps for the client, but that would be unethical at the least, if not deviant, and would quite possibly lead to the lawyer being disbarred, if nothing else.)

Further, some of the more common sexual practices of today (hair pulling, choking) were arguably non-existent fifty years ago. When I say arguably, I really mean it. After all, who knows what really took place in the bedroom of the separate-beds-married couple? Only the ones living it, and they surely aren’t talking.

And what about some of the less common sexual practices of the day, such as used panties vending machines. The way this works is women sale their used panties that end up in these machines for a profit. This harms no one, so I say it’s not deviant. After all, we humans produce pheromones to entice other humans. It’s part of what keeps the human race going, and therefore how can it be wrong?

On the other hand, there are these child sex dolls marketed to supposedly be a diversionary tactic to keep pedophiles from offending. All I have to say about that is Ew! These dolls are as offensive as anything a NAMBLA representative would have to say. THIS I say is sexually deviant, and I fail to see how it will keep a pedophile from offending. If anything, it seems that these dolls would cause the sexual appetite of the user to become more attuned to that age preference. Besides, if this truly was a thing that worked, couldn’t rapists of adult women simply divert to sex with adult sex dolls? They don’t, because that’s not what rape is about, and there is no satisfaction in molesting an inanimate object, no matter how many bows or Maryjane’s you put on it.

Back to the original question: what is sexual deviance?

Does it turn you on? Is anyone harmed by it? You get the idea. If it turns you on and harms no one, why should it be considered deviant?



You are Great!

If you are reading this, maybe you were somehow led to this page by your God/fate/The Universe, and perhaps it is the case that you needed answers; to questions you may have been unaware that you had. Whatever the reason you have come to read this, and to share your mind space with me, here is the truth I will share with you.

You are great.

Not only are you great, but you deserve great things, and to be happy, and unaccepting of anything that is less than you deserve.

Tell yourself this. Know this.

It is true of every single person in existence. You are no exception to this. Until you believe this truth, you will accept less, sometimes going as far as to welcome or seek out less than you deserve. I hope that I can help you to put an end to that self-deprecating thought process and resultant behavior.

I, too, once succumbed to this phenomenon, and I’d like to share my journey with you in hopes of inspiring you to seek more, as you truly deserve, if you are like I was.

My childhood was fraught with more neglect and abuse than is fathomable by some. By all rights I could’ve become a drug addict or prostitute. Due to an innate drive, as well as an apparent deep-seeded inner strength, I have become a successful, functioning member of society. In short, I have striven to be all that I can be, and my eventual journey has led me to this place. I want the same for you, as it is your basic, unalienable human right.

You must know this and believe it. And for those of you having difficulty believing, it’s time for you to change your false self-belief. That starts with baby steps. Your homework, shall you choose to accept, is very simple. I want you to locate the closest mirror and take a good look at your face. Look yourself right in the eyes and tell yourself this very basic truth:

“I am great. I deserve great.”

Say it as you look yourself right in the eyes. Say it and know it. It is true. Knowing this…I mean REALLY KNOWING it, is your first step to gaining your full potential, and acquiring the things in life you truly deserve.

Thanks for Writing!

I began writing The Scent Series for many different reasons.

For one, I wanted to discuss some pretty serious topics…such as the double standards that have become so pervasive, where men are deemed heroes for their sexual conquests, but women are ostracized. So I explored it,using fiction, and created the main female lead, Morgan Freeman, who chooses not to live by those standards. In fact, she exploits her own sexuality for financial gain, dressing provocatively in her billboards. This action helps her to succeed; it also causes her to (***spoiler alert***) gain the attention of a religious zealot who stalks and nearly kills her.

In The Scent Series, you will see the recurring theme of some of the woes of society: a drug addicted mother, whose situation leads to some very dangerous situations for her daughter; discussion on the Steubenville rape case (read about it in this link) ; stalking; and racism, to name a few.

However, no completely serious topic is stomached as easily as when it is surrounded by a nail-biting-plot-twisted (I totally just made that up!) story line where cliff hangers abound; oh yeah, and really awesome sex!

And why did I choose to write such risque (I’m quoting one of the doctors with who I work that described The Scent of a Woman using this word) scenes? Because SEX IS IMPORTANT, and it should be enjoyable and it should be healthy. And after having completed >450 sexual assault nurse exams (SANE), and seeing sex used as a weapon and carried out in such a harmful and unhealthy way, I needed a platform to “rewrite” it as good. And what a platform it has been! And ultimately it’s a love story, though that is not the way I had originally planned it (the characters eventually wrote themselves onto the page using my brain and my fingers to do so).

Now enjoy. And remember that sex should be good. And it should happen between two consenting adults. Here is a great video explaining that; not that you need it explained, but it’s just so fun to watch!

When Is It Okay To Have Sex? This Brilliant Video About Consent Is Spreading Like Wildfire.

And here is a link to purchase The Scent Series, in case I’ve piqued your curiosity:

263 Years

You may have heard the name Daniel Holtzclaw, or you may not. For those who are unaware of this former Oklahoma City police officer, let me clue you in. He preyed upon African American females who predominantly had a criminal history. His trial concluded late last year, and the jury recommended he get 263 years for the crimes of which they found him guilty. Yesterday, a judge honored that, and the man will never see the light of day as a free person again.

Justice served!!!

Being passive aggressive

I am passive aggressive. I used to dislike this about myself. When…I was the unpopular girl in school. And when separation from my 15 year relationship meant abandonment by his family…a family that used to mean the world to me. They were my whole world- after my kids and my career, that is.

The hurt from that abandonment…so acute that even its consideration had me considering other things. Like remaining in an unfulfilling, quasi-unhealthy relationship long past its expiration.

And now, working through the betrayal and hurt, I use my passive aggression as a tool to cope. It fuels me to further my career…to write…to obtain my graduate degree…to become more successful.

“Whatever works for you,” some say. That’s a bogus, loaded sentiment. (What if rape and murder of the innocent is what works for me?) THIS is what works for me; obtaining my masters degree is what works for me; writing about social injustices in order to change them; doing better in spite of and to spite the unsupportive many, is what works for me. Any juvenile and/or post-separation behavior and relations says a lot more about the one acting out the behavior than the recipient. Now, if I can just remember that.